Where Can I Dine With an Ex That Screams ‘We Will Not Bang’?

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Hi Eater,

My ex of two years texted me that’s he’s going to be in town for a couple of days visiting a relative, and wants to ‘catch up.’ I’m hesitant to even go, but we have mutual friends still and why not just keep the peace, right? So, what’s a non-sexy restaurant to take this ex-boyfriend of mine in Williamsburg on a Friday night? I was thinking somewhere like Westlight because it’s big and the chairs look uncomfortable and the tables seem awkward so staying awhile won’t be an option, plus there are small plates. Oh the ex doesn’t drink.

Sincerely,

Don’t Want to Give Him the Wrong Idea

Hey DWGHWI,

The only right answer is DO NOT GO TO DINNER WITH YOUR EX. And on a Friday night? He’s a lucky dude. I’ll barely even hang out with a friend on a Friday night unless they’re one of, like, five people. My advice is to come down with one of those sudden 24-hour stomach flus this weekend.

But if your conscience can’t stand to lie, I’ll try to help. First of all, L-O-L at the Westlight burn, but this is actually not a great place to dine with someone who you barely even want to see. If you’re going on a Friday, it will likely have a line, and like many rooftop bars, it’s busy, can be difficult to sit down, and can elevate into a scene. Plus: The views are frankly fantastic, and that’s definitely too romantic for what you need.

Hear me out: Why not go to an extremely well-lit fast-casual chain like Dig Inn? I personally have not once considered sex while inside a Dig Inn. Dig Inn is for contemplating the meaningless of life as you wait in line during the workday and decide which locally sourced slop you should be shoveling into your body in order to keep making money for the man. Dig Inn is for feeling vaguely noble (and healthy) in your weekday meals. Dig Inn is not for lusting.

That new Williamsburg location even looks kind of cute! But it’s still essentially a cafeteria-style restaurant where you can wait in line, get food, and make like 15 minutes of polite conversation. Also, I really feel like this will minimize the chances of drama? Surely no one starts drama in Dig Inn, right?

Anyway, I’d like to reiterate that truly awful, sudden stomach flu idea, but if not, good luck.

Serena