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Bros Seek Polo Bar Dates on Craigslist: Amazing Parody or Fratty Nightmare?

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They claim to be tall, athletic, Ivy League educated men

polo bar
Ralph Lauren's Polo Bar
Daniel Krieger

A Craigslist post from two of "NYC's Most Eligible Bachelors" seeks dates for a reservation at Ralph Lauren's Polo Bar, and it's either the most amazing parody of Polo Bar clientele ever or written by bros from our worst nightmare. In the post, the two men say they're in their late 20s and have "a prime time reservation at the Polo Bar this weekend, with two tan brass-studded leather seats to fill." They claim to be tall, athletic, Ivy League grads who are definitely not "American Psycho" material. They also say they are "modest." "Yes, those sensations you're feeling are your ovaries dancing to the new Rihanna single," the post says.

Not just anyone can respond to be dates, though. Here's what you need to join these studs at one of New York's hottest restaurants, a celebrity hotspot where Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom were recently spotted and everyone from George Lucas and Oprah to Donald Trump and Michael Caine have dined:

You and your sister/bestie/Swedish cousin with liberated Scandinavian sexual views who's just in for the weekend should fit the following and send photos with your reply and personal statement.

Age: 22-32.

Height: All altitudes welcome, but bonus points will be awarded to 5'9 to 6'1.

Education: College educated, though honorary degrees will be awarded to models/actresses/pop stars.

Attractiveness: You haven't paid for a drink since the recession.

Misc: Must have valid passport

Bonus: Planned conversation topics include comparing notes of backstage experiences at hit musical "Hamilton" and "whose yacht we'll live on in international waters should anyone win the US presidential election." Swoon!

In a email to Eater, one of the post writers — who wanted to remain anonymous — said the dinner will happen even if they don't find suitable dates. "There's, no guarantee that we'd find good candidates or take them up on dinner, but we are dining there and thought this would be an amusing social experiment," he writes. "All personal details about us are true." He also says they've gotten a couple responses, though Craigslist doesn't necessarily "attract the discerning Polo Bar date-ee. Karlie closs has yet to reply...[sic]"

See the full copy of the letter below, and go here for the Craigslist post. They didn't send us a picture, but we're sure they don't look anything like this:

NYC's Most Eligible Bachelors seek dates for the Polo Bar (Midtown)

Here's the scenario:

We are two gents in our late twenties (in this case, that's actually not code for 37) with a prime time reservation to the Polo Bar this weekend, with two tan brass-studded leather seats to fill. This is where you come in.

With a reservation policy that makes Dorsia look like a TGI Friday's and an elevated clientele (present company included) for Olympic-level celebrity watching, the Polo Bar is simply THE restaurant to put in your snapchat story. The Central Park Zoo is moving to annex the Polo Bar as part of its new exotic nocturnal creatures exhibition, and rumor has it that peace negotiations between Kanye and TayTay are likely to take place over a few shared popovers, almost certainly next to our table.

Sound like fun? Before you start scheduling blow outs and asking your wax technician if they can give you "The Polo," here's some critical info on us, you, and the evening.

About Us

Ivy League educated, tall (6'4, 6'6), former collegiate athletes. Yes, those sensations you're feeling are your ovaries dancing to the new Rihanna single.

We're not not employed as Uber drivers with kidnapping tendencies. Nor will we "American Psycho" you after dinner, though we do enjoy Huey Lewis and the News. In short, not complete creeps.

We don't believe in online dating apps, on the principal that it would be unfair to the competition and our future positions in the executive branch of public office would be compromised should we join.

We're modest.

About You. You and your sister/bestie/Swedish cousin with liberated Scandinavian sexual views who's just in for the weekend should fit the following and send photos with your reply and personal statement.

Age: 22-32.

Height: All altitudes welcome, but bonus points will be awarded to 5'9 to 6'1.

Education: College educated, though honorary degrees will be awarded to models/actresses/pop stars.

Attractiveness: You haven't paid for a drink since the recession.

Misc: Must have valid passport

As we'll be sitting together for a while and waiting for the off-menu soufflés that I discreetly pre-order with our first course, here are are some notes on how dinner might run.

Things we'll do:

Compare notes on our respective backstage experiences at "Hamilton"

Discuss whose yacht we'll live on in international waters should anyone win the US presidential election.

Steal something off the table.

Thing's we'll not do:

Use the word "Classy," as oxymoronical a word as exists in the English language.

Employ five hashtags when three will do.

Skip dessert.

Thanks for your attention and see you this weekend.

Sincerely,

Prince Harry and Ryan Gosling.

The Polo Bar

1 East 55th Street, Manhattan, NY 10022 (212) 207-8562 Visit Website

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