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Valentine's Day Press Releases of the Damned

Valentine's Day, AKA Amateur Hour 2014, is just a few days away, and the PR people of this city are getting very creative with their holiday-themed pitches. Here is a small sample of the absurd emails that have landed in the Eater Inbox recently, with the names of these establishments redacted.

From: [a restaurant]
Date: Monday, February 10, 2014
To: Eater Tipline
Subject: Nature's Ultimate Aphrodisiac
Hi Eater,

The oyster is heralded by many as nature's ultimate aphrodisiac, so cupid's arrow is pointed in the direction of [Redacted].

Interviews with co-owner [Redacted] can be arranged at the restaurant, in studio or by telephone. Says [Redacted]: "Legend has it that the true Roman orgy had thousands upon thousands of oysters. Casonova, renowned as world history's number one lover, credit the oyster for his libido-lift...There is also scientific evidence that such minerals and elements as phosphorus, iron, copper and iodine that are contained in seafood are said to contribute to a romance boost."

From: [a restaurant]
Date: Friday, February 7, 2014
To: Eater Tipline
Subject: Un-attached Valentine's Day Party
Hi Eater,

Don't waste your Valentine's Day drowning your sorrows in a pint of Chunky Monkey ice cream or balling your eyes out to some sappy romantic chick-flick. The guys of [Redacted] are urging singles to stop crying, and start dancing!

Defy Cupid this Valentine's Day and indulge in your darkest desires. Serving bad decisions nightly, [Redacted]'s bestselling cocktail "Daddy Issues"(Zubruvka Bison Grass Vodka, Aperol, Lemon) will be offered at a discounted price, while everyone's favorite late night "Happy Ending" shot (Paddy's Irish whiskey & Sorel Raspberry liquor) will be $5 all night long!

As no one wants to spend Valentine's Day watching rom-coms at home, we though your readers might be interested in [Redacted]'s un-attached party designed to unleash your most scandalous behavior.

From: [a restaurant]
Date: Tuesday, February 4, 2014
To: Eater Tipline
Subject: Greek Aphrodisiac Valentine's Menu
Hi Eater,

For Valentine's Day, [Redacted] has developed amorous, aphrodisiac-imbued dishes, which will be featured in a five-course prix fixe meal, priced at $95 per person.

Don't expect to be feasting on the usual, cliché aphrodisiacs though—instead, [Redacted] employs guaranteed ancient Greek aphrodisiacs. For starters, almonds in the Truffled Almond Soup are said to arouse passion in both sexes, according to the poets of ancient Greece (Adonis dined on raw almonds every night before meeting his mistresses). In the Maine Lobster Orzo, prepared with shaved asparagus, mascarpone, and bisque foam, in addition to the lobster being an aphrodisiac, asparagus is also said to set a romantic tone—in ancient Greece, grooms were given five servings of it.

See [Redacted]'s complete Valentine's Day menu below, along with a glossary of all the aphrodisiacs that will be featured within.

· All Coverage of Valentine's Day [~ENY~]
[Photo]

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