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Top Chef D.C. Episode 12: Angelo's in the Outfield

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"Honk-shoe." That, my friends, is the sound a cartoon makes while it sleeps. It also the sound I made while I watched last night's episode. What a snore-fest! The episode was nearly as bad as the Washington Nationals. Zap! That's a joke about how Top Chef isn't the only organization having miserable season in D.C. Boom, right hook. With Alex's elimination, we begin our slow, lurching descent toward the finals. We're nearly down to the final three, which means we're nearly down to the final this-season-being-over.

Chef Rick Moonen, he of Top Chef Masters and a lot of sustainable food blabbering, shows up to judge the Quickfire. Padma takes a cue from my recaps and starts chaining together pun-ny nonsense. "Top Dog. Big Cheese. Flash in the Pan. Do you see a trend?" Um, you sound like the stereotype of a cab driver who learned English from watching Kojak reruns? "Hey chief, you are really roasting my giblets here, bro-bro!" (Say that in your head in an offensive and vague Middle Eastern accent.) Padma continues. "Your Quickfire is all about idioms. Food idioms." Oh, neat. That word is very close to "idiot." Like, crazy close. Each chef must create a dish based on a provided food idiom. The winner of this Schwan's Home Service Quickfire Challenge gets their dish added to the menu of Schwan's frozen home delivery food. WHAT AN HONOR. You could be a king among shut-ins.

"What's the best way to distribute the orders? Maybe if we zzzzzzzz." >>>

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