Joan Rivers' Dead Date Story: The Transcript

Yesterday, Joan Rivers made an appearance on the Howard Stern show where she revealed that a man she was dating dropped dead during a dinner seven months ago. Today, we have a transcript! And while it sounds like she's talking about Le Cirque, as mentioned yesterday, she definitely leaves the issue open to interpretation. And the Le Cirque folks note: "The crème brulee’s to die for, but that’s about it." Regardless of where, it's a wacky story:

JOAN RIVERS ON THE HOWARD STERN SHOW/SIRIUS XM/March 2, 2010
Select quotes:

HOWARD STERN: ?I think you look terrific. I think you’re an inspiration?my mother? says to me ‘boy, that Joan Rivers looks glamorous.’

JOAN RIVERS: Then how come I’m sitting here alone?

HOWARD STERN: ?talk about your dating?I understand, and I don’t know if this is a rumor, a lot of stuff gets in the press and you don’t know if it’s real. You were recently on a date where during the date the guy dropped dead. You’re now dating guys who die in the middle of the date.

JOAN RIVERS: Yes.

ROBIN QUIVERS: ?but that’s a successful relationship.

JOAN RIVERS: (laughing)?you can’t say he left you.

HOWARD STERN: And you miss him now.

JOAN RIVERS: I miss him desperately?I have to pick up the checkHOWARD STERN: How long had you been dating this guy?[before]?he dropped dead on you?

JOAN RIVERS: I had been dating this man about five weeks?It was?just [in the] beginning?it was kind of a new romance. And he died.

HOWARD STERN: Had he already paid the bill?

JOAN RIVERS: No, it was terrible!

HOWARD STERN: What happened? Where were you? I’m curious.

JOAN RIVERS: We were in a very fancy restaurant?I’m not going to [say the name of it]?

HOWARD STERN: Say the name of the restaurant.

JOAN RIVERS: It was similar to the one that you got married in. [Stern married Beth Ostrosky at Le Cirque in October 2008].

HOWARD STERN: Why wouldn’t you say it? It was certainly wasn’t the food that killed him.

JOAN RIVERS: ?they don’t like to say?first of all, Le Cirque, which is such a fabulous restaurant?they don’t like you to say that...you to check your coat and see walkers.

HOWARD STERN: So you go on a date.

HOWARD STERN: How old is he?

JOAN RIVERS: Probably 74 or 75.

HOWARD STERN: So you’re on the date, at a fancy restaurant, and you’re sitting there talking having a nice conversation.

JOAN RIVERS:?.and he’s very quiet,

HOWARD STERN: And he slumped over in the chair?

JOAN RIVERS: ?kind of slumped over in the chair.

HOWARD STERN: Oh my god, when was this?

JOAN RIVERS: This was about seven months ago.

ROBIN QUIVERS: How long do you keep talking?.?

JOAN RIVERS: Knowing me I was in the middle of a good story.

HOWARD STERN: (laughing)?and she is very narcissistic?she was looking around the restaurant, she was looking at her phone.

HOWARD STERN: Do you notice right away?

JOAN RIVERS: It was horrible?he just got very quiet.

HOWARD STERN: And he closes his eyes?

JOAN RIVERS: No, his eyes were open.

HOWARD STERN: Were you traumatized?

JOAN RIVERS: [I said] I think we better get a waiter here?and they called the paramedics?it was a whole big thing. And he was gone.

ROBIN QUIVERS: What do they do, throw a tablecloth over him?

JOAN RIVERS: It’s very interesting, because people keep eating.

HOWARD STERN: Do they? Were you embarrassed? I mean, I know you shouldn’t be?

JOAN RIVERS: ?I’m just terribly sorry?(joking) no, I like it, it’s show biz?in the middle of my grief I powdered my nose.?and then the paramedics took him out – they don’t say he’s dead. Nobody’s going to say he’s dead. They say, he’ll be fine, he’ll be fine.

JOAN RIVERS: I had to reach in his pocket to get [his] American Express card.

HOWARD STERN: I was going to ask you that – does the restaurant ask you to pay the bill?

JOAN RIVERS: They didn’t ask me?but they followed us out to the ambulance.

HOWARD STERN: Did they? At what point do you get the check, by the ambulance?

JOAN RIVERS: I said, I’ll have somebody take care of this?so I left them his shoes, and his?watch.

JOAN RIVERS: I felt terribly sorry? I had to call up the daughters?.it’s terrible?I don’t know his family.

HOWARD STERN: When you called his daughters to inform them did they even know you were going out with him?

JOAN RIVERS: I don’t even know. I?said I was with your father?and we’re up at Columbia and he’s very, very ill. I didn’t want to be the one to say [that he died].

HOWARD STERN: Did you ask his daughters if they knew any [other] single guys?

JOAN RIVERS: No, but I did say, look, I left a 20% tip, is that OK?

JOAN RIVERS: What do you tip when you carry them out?

HOWARD STERN: Did you use his credit card or yours?

JOAN RIVERS: His (joking). No [I used] my own. I didn’t want to use his?because then the family would fight with you, you gave 20% and the meal wasn’t over?

HOWARD STERN: And what was the cause of death, a heart attack?

JOAN RIVERS: A heart attack?and I had just ordered this really good salmon meal. I couldn’t eat it.

HOWARD STERN: Did you stop eating right away?

JOAN RIVERS: ?that’s why I’m gaining weight – I like food.

HOWARD STERN: Were you sitting there [thinking] oh shit, I can’t finish my meal. Because you must have been really hungry.

HOWARD STERN: ?you finally get to dinner, you’re probably hungry as hell and you’re like?I wish I could finish my meal.

JOAN RIVERS: ?yes, and they had really [good] popovers.

HOWARD STERN: Did you go out to eat afterwards?

JOAN RIVERS: No, but when I went home?we all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.