Martha Stewart Adores Monkey Bar, Invites Bruni to Chat

A reader, and self proclaimed Martha-worshiper, transcribes part of the opening monologue of today's Martha Stewart show. Big takeaways: she love, love, loves Monkey Bar, she may or may not know the definition of "hoi polloi," and she could give a crap about Bruni's attempts at anonymity. Here's Martha:

"Last night I paid a visit to the newly-renovated Monkey Bar on 54th St., right here in Manhattan, and this legendary watering hole opened in 1932 and has been frequented by many glamorous icons from the last century. So needless to say, there has been much anticipation here in New York for the result of a three-month renovation. And, oh, the place looks great! It's owned by Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter of Waverly Inn fame, and his partners Jeff Klein, Jeremy King, and I must say, gentlemen, it looks superb. So I think Ron Perelman and my good friend Johnny Pigozzi and the other investors should be very pleased with this chic-new-look restaurant.

It was a very chic party last night--a lot of--the hoi polloi was there, Joey, you would have had a good time. And now that Madonna is moving to the Upper East Side, people will be looking for salubrious venues in which to wine and dine, and the Monkey Bar is perfect.

I wish the Monkey Bar much continued success, and I hope it receives decent reviews. In fact, [laughter] I hope the New York Times' highly regarded restaurant critic Frank Bruni, who I've always admired, will continue to give worthy reviews of New York City restaurants. Manhattan is the metropolis, bursting with new places to eat, and there's many, many hard-working chefs. And, actually, I'd rather read about restaurants which I should visit than about restaurants I should avoid. And, Frank, I'd love you to come on the show and tell us about your criteria for choosing a restaurant to review. Let's talk."