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Adventures in Public Relations: Fear the Bald Man

We'd hoped that Frank Bruni's goose-egg review of the chocolate eateries that go by the name Max Brenner, Chocolate by the Bald Man would be the last we'd hear from the establishment and its anthropomorphic figurehead. (As a brief refresher, Max Brenner, "the bald man," does not, in fact, walk this earth. As Bruni put it, "[H]e doesn’t even exist. He’s a concept, Willy Wonka as hairless imperialist.") Which is why the press release from Max & Company that landed in the Eater inbox today is so especially appalling.

We get enough press releases to know when we've got something good on our hands. So when we get one bearing the subject header, "Watch, Smell, Taste, and Feel"—well, we know that we don't. Here's the unretouched flackage; do note the major disortion of the truth that's proffered herein:

Dear Eater,

I wanted to contact you about Max Brenner, Chocolate by the Bald Man, the first restaurant entirely devoted to chocolate. I think readers of Eater would enjoy hearing about what Max Brenner has to offer.

With the goal of writing a novel in mind, Max worked as an apprentice throughout Europe, alongside world renowned pastry and chocolate experts such as George Maushagen in Germany, Fauchon in Paris, and chocolatier Michelle Chaudun. Already a worldwide phenomenon, Max Brenner, Chocolate by the Bald Man, has finally spread its culture to the United States with two locations in New York City at Union Square and at East Village. Both locations are now featuring new menus. Visitors to the East Village location can also relax with a delicious choclate [sic] drink and take advantage of the free wifi, pop in for Happy Hour for the 2 for 1 drink deal, and receive 10% off at the chocolate shop.

"Chocolate is not just about taste. It's a symbol of different aspects in our lives of romance, of sensuality, of decadence. These aspects actually create the new chocolate culture of Max Brenner," says Max Brenner, innovator and creator.

I invite you to experience the chocolate culture, and I urge you to inform readers of Eater about the latest happenings at Max Brenner, Chocolate by the Bald Man. I would love to send you a taste of Max Brenner's chocolates so please let me know if you are interested and feel free to contact me at any time.

Best regards,
[name withheld out of mercy]

Imaginary founders aside, let's parse this release a little more closely. A new menu, you say? Two-for-one drink deals? Discounts? If we didn't know better, we'd remand this one to the Deathwatch committee.
· Week in Reviews: Bruni Goose-Eggs Max Brenner [~E~]
· Max Brenner, Chocolate by the Bald Man [Official Site]

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