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Adventures in PR: The Most Annoying/Amazing Strategy on the Planet

For a full year now, we've been receiving barely coherent and entirely amazing press releases from a certain Upper East Side restaurant. We've been enjoying/dreading them behind the scenes thus far, in large part because we wanted to save you from them. Each of these press releases -- actually, let's call them "press releases" -- comes with a unique subject line. Examples include, "[redacted] to host Millionaire Speed Dating Event Today" and "[redacted] Invite You To Celebrate the Launch of the Recently FDA Approved HAIRMAX LASER COMB" and, our fave, "would you like to review or feature this very upscale NYC restaurant/supperclub?" Let's be clear: No we would not like to review or feature this very upscale NYC restaurant/supperclub. But, thanks.

And these are just the subject lines.

The time as come for you to see this blinding insanity for yourself. Here's a snippet from the latest communique from [redacted], which arrived this morning:

[redacted] brings the French Riviera to the upper east side. Where else can one dine in style until 3am with delectable cuisine such as Lobster Brulee and Foie Gras? The service and décor are equally impressive. The restaurant received the “Best Interior Design” award by [redacted]. Now, for the first time in the restaurant’s four history, [redacted] is open on Sunday nights for dinner, dancing and drinks with a reduced priced menu served from 6pm through 2am. In addition, there is also live entertainment. On a cold winter’s night, allow debonair owner [redacted] to make you feel at home and beat the doldrums of winter. With Chef [redacted] at the kitchen’s helm the cuisine is sure to delight even the most discerning palates. [redacted] and [redacted] have created a unique menu that has an Asian influence without losing its French integrity. [redacted] is also the perfect place to book your private party and can accommodate up to 200 diners for a buffet dinner or 70 people for a sit down dinner. For those upper east siders who are tired of trekking downtime [sic] for a evening of fun, this exclusive venue has it all. If you are looking to see stars, celebrity patrons have included: Billy Baldwin, Joan Rivers, Cindy Adams, Chazz Palminteri and even former President Bill Clinton. Reservations are suggested and chic attire is requested.
Hang on. That's just the first paragraph. Here's the second. To emphasize for clarity, the above and below paragraphs are consecutive:
[redacted] has a new chef whose experience includes Nobu and Le Bernadin. In addition, starting December 10th, the restaurant will be open for the first time ever on Sundays for "Disco Sundays" and will include a reduced price menu to attract and a younger and more late night crowd. Below is information on [redacted]. This is one of the few places on New York’s Upper East Side where one can dine in style until 3am. There is also live entertainment several nights a week. If you cannot view the photos in the body of this e-mail let me know. [Oh, we could. -- Ed.] Celeb diners have included Bill Clinton, Peter Cook, Billy Baldwin, Chazz Palminteri, Chris Noth, Fat Joe, The Gastineau Girls, Spike Lee, Kim Cattral, and Fergie, the Duchess of York, Joan Rivers, and Cindy Adams. The new menu is attached as well as the late night menu. This is also an ideal venue for corporate meetings, weddings, rehearsal dinners, and bridal showers in addition to all corporate parties. The Maitre D, [redacted] is a former managing partner at Cello and has also presided over Le Bernadin and Lutece. [redacted], the owner was the Maitre D at the famed Restaurant Daniel for 10 years. [redacted] has two wine cellars with bottles as expensive as $10,000. They also have a specialty cocktail called “The Platinum [redacted] Martini” that sells for $38.00. The restaurant received the “Best Restaurant Design” Award by [redacted] for 2004.
Shall we go again from the top?